My Story


              From as early as I can remember, I was a deep thinker that questioned everything.  I drove my family crazy with my incessant, unanswerable questions.  I had a deep need to see and experience justice, and I longed to live a life of purpose.  I was energetic and extroverted, but I was also highly sensitive and felt deep, intense emotions. 

                When I was twelve years old, I accepted Christ as my savior.  I approached my newfound Christianity as I approached everything else in life – I enthusiastically set out to learn everything that I could possibly learn about God, the Bible, and how to live a Christian life.  However, over the years, I struggled.  The concepts of faith and grace seemed impossible for a logical, scientific thinker to grasp.  When I was faced with my mother’s cancer diagnosis and the loss of a beloved uncle, I could not comprehend how God could allow the deep pain, suffering, and injustice that I experienced and witnessed in the world.  I felt emotions and empathy so intensely that I was overwhelmed by the pain.  I struggled with my increasing perfectionism and depression, and my life felt empty.  I worked to be good enough to earn God’s favor, but instead of feeling like a new creation, I was plagued by negative self-criticism and shame.    

                When I entered college, I was desperately searching.  During my darkest times, I met two men that transformed my faith.  Father Bob McGee, a campus minister, was filled with the light of Christ and displayed passionate, unconditional love for everyone he met.  Father Bob delighted in my deep questions, and under his mentorship I learned to embrace the uncertainty of life and realized that I was in an ever-growing and ever-changing relationship with Christ.

                I also met my husband, Michael.  Where I had deep questions and doubt, Michael had deep faith and certainty.  Michael was called to the ministry, and he was, and is, the most loving and devoted man that I know.  He showed me unconditional love and patiently walked beside me in my pain.  We married, and I attended law school to utilize my passion for justice.  God called us to short-term missions, and we started a church, Project:Re3.  Project:Re3 seeks to live God’s promise to use the “rubble of past lives to . . . rebuild the foundations from out of your past.  You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.” (MSG, Isaiah 58). 


                Michael and I have been blessed with three amazing children, a loving church, and fulfilling careers.  While we appear to have the “American dream”, people do not know about the trauma we have suffered and they do not see the impact that PTSD has had on my life.  In God’s timing, God is fulfilling his promise to use the rubble of this trauma to rebuild, renovate and restore my life.  My hope is to share my journey of healing and restoration.     

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Never Good Enough

Deliverance

Thanks for the Cake